Ownership

Contrary to popular belief, my calendar is my graphic organizer not a chore chart for others to fill in.  If people want to fill in personal planners and calendars, then they need to get their own and fill those in for themselves.    I am convinced that this happens because some people have the need to continue to create chore charts for other people at the last minute.  Why?  Don Williams was correct "Some Broken Hearts Never Mend." 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fi0vmnxM3ao&list=RDQOZSiqsMlow&index=3 

Some people have the need to wallow in what never was.  My schedule never was yours to fill in.  You never owned me.  It seems that some people think that they own everything.  In higher education, this is most prevalent when it comes to adult tattle tales which appears in ugly ways when people work in groups.  The tattle tale owns everything in group work and will use the childhood "drink of water at bedtime" trick to try to manipulate everything.

Group work causes people to actually work together which means that accepting flaws in a another person is actually necessary.  The perfectionist student will almost automatically become the tattle tale.  Essentially, the perfectionist will show up to say that someone else isn't pulling that person's weight in the group.  Said student is almost always their to make sure that his or her grade is going to be pristine.  This is usually my response which causes that person to think that things are being taken care of and doesn't crush that person's world. That person shows up to make sure that she or he is getting the right thing because she or he is out to do the "greater good." 

The conversation goes like this:
"I talked with XXXXX about what's going on in our group because I'm concerned."
"Why is that?  Is it because you think the other student needs Ritalin?"
"Yes."

At this point in the conversation, I realize it is really about getting the tattle tales' way.  they don't own each other or me.  It usually continues with that person running other students into the ground so that he or she can manipulate the leader.  All genders of students do this, so don't think it is just women.  Men do it similarly, but in a different kind of conversation.  Why?  Some college students decide that human nature is always wrong.  That person is usually standing in front of me to make sure that I am now going to change my schedule in order for that person to have his or her way at fixing another person.  I am also usually looking at another person who needs perfection in appearance and everything else.  I also tend to think that he or she needs a  Xanax or a therapist.  Evil manipulates, has a silver tongue, and is saccharin sweet. 

The job for me at this point is to test the situation.  Why?  1 Thess. 5:21 states, "Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good, reject every kind of evil."  I usually give a simple task for that person to do like giving a message to someone else.  Almost 95% of the time, the tattle-tale won't do it and will say that he or she will.  Why?  It doesn't benefit that person's grade, and he or she will be holding a passive aggressive grudge over something I did like using my left eye to see a tree instead of my right eye.

Usually, the accused party will have already shown up to accept responsibility for whatever the perfectionist ahs a problem with and is learning to change things in that person's life.  Tattle tales usually say things like "we made amends already, but I just wanted you to know."  It's really self-righteous to show up boasting about your goodness.  It's really self-centered to run down another person to make yourself look better in the eyes of the perceived authority figure.

It's a game to look good.  Don Williams and 1 Thessalonians 5:21 usually provide wisdom for every situation.  Seeking perfection through medicating another illustrates incredibly low self-esteem and extreme vanity. 

My schedule is mine.  My students schedules are theirs.  I have never filled in my calendar with a block of self-righteousness training.  I've never needed to.  I have filled in large blocks of time with confession and training to help my life.  When I am my Self, I don't need to fix the world around me.  Centering prayer and deep breathing keep my schedule mine.