The older I get, the more I become aware of how judgmental demeaning people really are. When I think of the ill or people will disabilities, I don't think of useless. A lot of people are afraid of disabilities so much that they have a need to over exaggerate someone else's illness or disability. For example, my nephew has Asperger's Syndrome, and I've recently heard a family member refer to him a toddler. He is not a toddler. He does a lot of things and isn't at the mental capacity of a toddler. He has been referred to this way for most of his life.
My nephew is very a very high functioning autistic person. It has been assumed by a lot of people that he would never be able to live on his own. He could easily work a job, go to school, and live on his own. The real problem in the situation is what everyone else would do to him. He would easily be targeted by other people, and they would mess with him to mess with him. It was during this conversation that I was told that he needed to learn to pay attention to what everyone around him would think of whatever he was doing first. This is why in that person's estimation that he is a toddler.
The primary example is that during the Christmas season he wanted to get something for his mother for a surprise, so he put it under his jacket. It was obvious that something was there, but there was a little concern in my sister's mind that someone would think he was shoplifting. Well, people could have seen it that way or they could place the situation in context and ask questions. The problem was not really with what he was doing as he wasn't stealing. The problem is that is was over exaggerated and tied to his Asperger's and whittled him down to a toddler in someone's opinion.
One of the main differences between how my parents raised my sisters and I and how my sister is raising my nephews is that they have a lot of freedom of choice. I don't think what he did had anything to do with his Asperger's Syndrome. The same family member is convinced that I would show up to teach in pajamas. I wear a shirt and tie almost every time I show up to teach. I wear professional attire. She's convinced that I wouldn't know to put on a collared shirt and tie to teach. It is the rare occasion that I wouldn't do such a thing.
I don't know one person whom doesn't have a lifelong illness. Even hayfever is a lifelong illness. Yet, I am not my hayfever. It is not going to keep me from being a gardener either because it is something that I am learning to do. Several years ago, I was seriously injured so much that I wasn't able to work for several years, regardless of what any naysaying highly judgmental social perfectionist says, I was unable to work at my profession. It was during this time that the same family member said that I should just be committed to an institution. I was the equivalent to a $. More than that, my freedom was a $. What's even worse to me is that the same person has disabilities.
To me, sister is teaching her son something that teenager's learn. Realistically, he is more like a 12 year old and will not be able to move out of the house immediately when he turns 18. My parents gave us the option of the military or college when we turned 18. Even though those aren't the only two options in the world, it is what they thought we were allowed to do. My sister probably has great hopes for her son and so do I. I don't think he needs to be concerned about lookers on would have thought about a Christmas present under his coat so much. She thought that she was going to have the other nephew for the day instead of the one with Asperger's. When I'm there, I hang out with both of my nephews. I don't choose between them. I also know about a tremendous amount of assistive technologies for my nephews. Both of them have medical concerns that change their communication.
My sister told one and didn't tell the other or the schools until her youngest son needed to know for himself. He was mainstreamed through the public school system and his brother wasn't. If the schools had known, he would have been in remedial classes and his education would have been completely different. Instead, they just didn't tell him. He also wasn't devastated when they did.
Like so many people, my oldest nephew is understood by his medical status as opposed to what he can actually do. I am an English instructor at a university, and one of my sister's dyslexia is so bad that I can't read what she writes. Yet, members in her family of origin understand her as too dumb or an irresponsible non-educated person. She's really smart and runs restaurants. She understands customer flow and the audiences of where she is really well.
One of my main concerns, and it has been for a long time, is that our society understands people very differently than how I think we should or how educated people should. Recently, I turned a my phone's video recorder on as my neighbor was fighting with her girlfriend. Why? The light caused them to stop fighting in the yard which means that they know not to do it. They are self-conscious enough that they care about what other people think, but only if it is shown to people they don't know. She doesn't know me, but as soon as she moved in, she decided that it was her duty to demean me for being poor. After fighting with her girlfriend, she yelled at me for having a light on in my house. It could have been a flashlight, but she didn't like it. This is not my problem. It is her problem. The same thing would happen to my nephew, so his parents are raising him to question and ask why people are doing things.
People live in multiple generation homes throughout the globe for longer than 18 years. Most of my students live in community with others, dormitories, or with the families origin, and it has been that way my whole teaching career. American society still thinks that people whom live at home past 18 are odd. I think a 30 year old who has never lived anywhere but with parents is a little odd. I suggest dorms for university students all of the time. Even if the person moves home after graduation, then he or she has lived elsewhere. It's a valuable experience. Getting to know and live with a lot of other people causes human beings to have to be far more considerate and less judgmental usually.
It is impossible to please everyone around us. This, however, is why people with disabilities have needed to have legal protections from others: fear. Social services were created to control people. Of course, others will just say that I am finally just now catching on to how the world works. No. I just stopped telling you because you think I need special education for your elitist narcissistic issues. While I am not a counselor or therapist, I have enough of those hours to know what looks like someone else's problem being projected on others and myself.
People miss out on changing the way they view the world in their educations. I do mean people and not just ones I am related to.
Life is simple dear nephews. Keep a song in your heart. I don't have much, but you can always stay with me. I know what's it's like for someone to decide that you are not capable of anything because of a medical difference; I'm transgendered. Besides, I found a game design program for my nephew to enroll in if he wants to when he graduates.
Let's all think about the ways that we understand difference. None of us owe anyone else an explanation of our lives.
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