The neo-orthodox hermeneutic of the Bible requires that each person read the words for him or herself. There can be no replacement for personal submersion into the scriptures. It is only when an individual reads for him or herself that the scriptures become valid for that person. So, too is the spiritual life and the experiences of the people of faith throughout time. God is valid when we have experiences of God.
Karl Barth's humanism can easily be found in this week's Advent reading. The transcendent God speaking in 2 Samuel 7:5 "But that same night the word of the Lord came to Nathan, "Go and tell my servant David, 'Thus says the Lord: Would you build a house for me to dwell in?" God speaks from beyond everything to Nathan to become known in the world. What is the house of the Lord, though?
Any definition of the house of the Lord is not necessarily going to be able to hold the entire concept of a deity. Usually people think of a church or of a temple. Because Jesus is incarnate, or at this point on the way, the Archangel Gabriel announces that Mary has been blessed to carry Jesus. Furthermore, the Archangel announces that God has done so. This is the humanistic workings of the Transcendent God found in neo-orthodoxy. In time, neo-orthodox theology gave birth to liberation theology and postliberalism. These social uses of the gospel find themselves to be an incomplete understanding and explanation of "housing" God.
While I was in graduate school the first time, my classmates as I would converse about what would be after the postmodern age. We decided that what would be next would be another Renaissance that a lot of us were already experiencing in our lives. As we tried to find a way to explain our thoughts, we turned to what we called "The Age of Love." After our jokes about the hippies and the Age of Aquarius were done, we decided that what the world and humanity really needed was a return to agape love. If we called it Christianity though, someone would control it.
What our minds and hearts decided, standing in front of Hudspeth Hall at UTEP, was that no tradition or explanation could really define God. We had found our attempt to find a new explanation in which to house what we were going to call the next age was really the beginning. What happened in the beginning? God.
God created the world and so loved it to save it. Some parts of Christianity argue that there is a messiah in every generation. We are to be little Christs. We are to rebuild and fulfill our mission. We make attempts at explaining our experiences in the hopes that there will be a new way to house God for us.
We cannot house the transcendent God of neo-orthodoxy. We cannot house the ideas that we have to explain what we believe. However, was the 19th century can give to us for the transcendent God is a place where conversation can begin to bring a humanistic social gospel that requires human action to further the mission can be discussed a lived. Yet, what is the message that houses a transcendent God?
The Archangel says it all, "You are blessed."
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Advent 3: Rejoice! (in Crayola)
The third Sunday in Advent lightens the penitential season of waiting expectantly with Joy. The reading challenge us to rejoice in all things. Some things most people don't want to rejoice in. There's a lot of things actually. I've never seen or been told that a child rejoiced in being spanked; I've never been told that someone was checking into rehab for an addiction while rejoicing in the Lord. I tend to think that both of those situations cause the person to think "This is some BS right here." However, it is what we are called to look past this week and to rejoice that we have been given tasks because:
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to
proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bring up the brokenhearted, to
proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners"
(Isaiah 1:1).
While the reading in Isaiah continues through to the 11th verse, the initial first verse gives the reason why Advent is joyous season. It is a season of rebuilding and of renewal. I am of the opinion that spanking a child has more to do with inflicting pain and causing shock. I think finding other ways to discipline children might be better even though my siblings, their children, and I have all been raised with parental shock therapy to change our behavior. It is actually the change, the transition, that God calls us to focus on that is to give us Joy. It is Joy to turn back to God looking hopefully and forward to the future. It is as verse 4 states, "They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations." Children are given to generations of people and not just their parents. Children are given to communities to watch as they grow and change into fruitful adults. The life cycle rebuilds families as people wax and wane together with the tides of experience that life brings to them.
As my friends have gotten sober over time, I find that they change in ways that their families can't handle. Mine couldn't handle that I would go to meetings with them, and eventually, I, too, quit smoking through another discipline. Renewal is the way to return to God in Joy. What I have witnessed the most is when people change that those around them don't or they try to control the change. Change is fluidic.
One of my favorite authors, Brennan Manning, wrote "there comes a time when self-pity becomes malignant, seducing us to into self-destructive behavioral patterns of withdrawal, isolation, drinking, drugging, and so forth. We simply give ourselves the grace to to set a time limit on our self-pity" (Ruthless Trust). Brennan Manning, a Franciscan priest and recovering alcoholic, found himself a ragamuffin and a beloved of God. I like his work because he focuses on joy in our identity as the chosen beloved of God and not as a we should be. None of us are as we should be. When God's Joy is the center of our lives, we find that we are not giving into peer pressure, or at least, I do. When I live from whom I think God sees me as, I tend not to care about what other people think so much.
One of the things that I have come to know this Advent season more than before, as I am writing more poetry, is that I have lost the childlikeness that my faith once had. I didn't lose it. I gave it up. I found it to be too difficult to continue to have around such serious adults in my life whom only understood me as a child. My spiritual life used to be very playful; it isn't anymore. It isn't because I became very tired of the judgment that I would get from people. People who know me will know that I have very little trust for those whom have a need for age appropriateness when people are past a high school age. Once we consider people to be adults, I think we should, as a society, accept their desire to choose their own paths. What's sad is that I gave up the discipline of joy in my life for more adult disciplines which is similar to the gamer experience of people thinking that game playing is for children.
The discipline of blowing bubbles with God is a far better one than voraciously studying scripture when someone is in a time of renewal. It seems to me that a thriving spiritual life requires crayons, children, laughter, and love be to be joyous. When we focus on the mud in our lives, in our suffering, we forget that closeness we all can have with God. We have the ability to create. Creation is good. It brought about such joy to God that he set aside an entire day for us to renew our lives in Him. I hope to remember throughout the year that the Sabbath, whether someone chooses Saturday or Sunday, needs to be a joyous experience with God.
May we all remember the Joy of being the renewed beloved of God.
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to
proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bring up the brokenhearted, to
proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners"
(Isaiah 1:1).
While the reading in Isaiah continues through to the 11th verse, the initial first verse gives the reason why Advent is joyous season. It is a season of rebuilding and of renewal. I am of the opinion that spanking a child has more to do with inflicting pain and causing shock. I think finding other ways to discipline children might be better even though my siblings, their children, and I have all been raised with parental shock therapy to change our behavior. It is actually the change, the transition, that God calls us to focus on that is to give us Joy. It is Joy to turn back to God looking hopefully and forward to the future. It is as verse 4 states, "They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations." Children are given to generations of people and not just their parents. Children are given to communities to watch as they grow and change into fruitful adults. The life cycle rebuilds families as people wax and wane together with the tides of experience that life brings to them.
As my friends have gotten sober over time, I find that they change in ways that their families can't handle. Mine couldn't handle that I would go to meetings with them, and eventually, I, too, quit smoking through another discipline. Renewal is the way to return to God in Joy. What I have witnessed the most is when people change that those around them don't or they try to control the change. Change is fluidic.
One of my favorite authors, Brennan Manning, wrote "there comes a time when self-pity becomes malignant, seducing us to into self-destructive behavioral patterns of withdrawal, isolation, drinking, drugging, and so forth. We simply give ourselves the grace to to set a time limit on our self-pity" (Ruthless Trust). Brennan Manning, a Franciscan priest and recovering alcoholic, found himself a ragamuffin and a beloved of God. I like his work because he focuses on joy in our identity as the chosen beloved of God and not as a we should be. None of us are as we should be. When God's Joy is the center of our lives, we find that we are not giving into peer pressure, or at least, I do. When I live from whom I think God sees me as, I tend not to care about what other people think so much.
One of the things that I have come to know this Advent season more than before, as I am writing more poetry, is that I have lost the childlikeness that my faith once had. I didn't lose it. I gave it up. I found it to be too difficult to continue to have around such serious adults in my life whom only understood me as a child. My spiritual life used to be very playful; it isn't anymore. It isn't because I became very tired of the judgment that I would get from people. People who know me will know that I have very little trust for those whom have a need for age appropriateness when people are past a high school age. Once we consider people to be adults, I think we should, as a society, accept their desire to choose their own paths. What's sad is that I gave up the discipline of joy in my life for more adult disciplines which is similar to the gamer experience of people thinking that game playing is for children.
The discipline of blowing bubbles with God is a far better one than voraciously studying scripture when someone is in a time of renewal. It seems to me that a thriving spiritual life requires crayons, children, laughter, and love be to be joyous. When we focus on the mud in our lives, in our suffering, we forget that closeness we all can have with God. We have the ability to create. Creation is good. It brought about such joy to God that he set aside an entire day for us to renew our lives in Him. I hope to remember throughout the year that the Sabbath, whether someone chooses Saturday or Sunday, needs to be a joyous experience with God.
May we all remember the Joy of being the renewed beloved of God.
Monday, December 8, 2014
Thoughts about Power
I am entering my fifth year after surviving serious crime which has been proven; although, people seem not to even want accept the fact that my reality is reality. I have worked with all kinds of advocates, doctors, pastors, and faith communities in order to raise myself back up from the issues in my life caused by other people. The number one thing that has astounded me concerning the treatment that I have received because I actually tried to get help from the system is that they don't believe that their own work is worth asking questions to adequately complete. The system is broken due to a lack of critical thinking.
From the Episcopal Church to advocacy centers to the legal system, I have encountered more problems than anything else. The main two questions that people seem to really be asking is 1) How can I reduce my liability in this situation? and 2) What do I get out of helping you? It seems to me that people have spent more time covering themselves for their own liabilities and trying to fight their own causes that they have been unable to find my humanity beyond themselves. At this point, I have been so processed by the system where I live that people can no longer hear my voice as they are so busy trying to place me into their understanding of what whatever box or label that they need me to be for them.
I am going to make myself blatantly clear. What I have survived which is a religiously targeted hate crime whether the Episcopal Church or even the judicial system wants to accept it, it is not a women's issue due to one kind of crime involved in it. It's a human issue. It seems to me that more people than ever before in my life are concerned with making sure that I revert back into being the nice young woman that they want.
I am going to make probably a heretical statement by writing that I don't believe in Women's Studies. I don't accept that there is one issue on the planet that is strictly a women's issue because women are a part of humanity. Again, I don't believe in women's studies as a complete separation unto itself. Women's Studies by itself is segregation. It's as though women would need a play group or conversation group because their thoughts are not as valuable as ours. I am not now nor will I ever be a part of any women's groups. I also believe that groups that are segregated by the sexes fail to grasp the humanity of the people involved in them. It has only been since I have been more vocal about one event in my life that people have even questioned my gender identity and life as a result of being assaulted. The mere idea that someone would want me to choose to base my life on one event is ridiculous.
I have also never actively chosen to officially join another faith community other than an Episcopal Church. The Diocese of the Rio Grande is living as backwards and as exclusionary as they possible can when it came to actually listening to me. They were out to protect themselves. Ultimately, they want to protect themselves instead of actually listening to me. They are taught to get rid of people instead of helping them.
Every single part of my life has been questioned by people whom I am, apparently, supposed to understand as having good intentions. It seems to me that when people have good intentions for me that they actually listen to what I have to say instead of being exclusionary of me based on their own need to protect themselves. Essentially, when people don't ask others questions, then they can say "you didn't tell me" which really means "not my fault," or "I saw when...," or "But I thought," or "But friend said."
I have tried to keep my faith in God and humanity throughout the past five years. I can't help but notice that the advocacy centers in the north would help me without trying to revert me back into being the cisgendered woman that they wanted everyone to be. The ones in the south were afraid of men and decided that I was just identifying with the assailant. It is astounding to me that people in recovery systems for those whom have survived crimes would be more focused on people's clothes than the rest of society.
It's ridiculous to me that people have tried to do everything to include deciding a new religion for me based on their own understanding of an outfit. I find the fact that when people are taught that they are sheep that they don't ever understand that they are being taught to be mindless. It is those same people who, when they found out that I already had a graduate degree, decided that there was no way to really help me. The answer for a lot of people is don't talk about it and if you have an education that you are then supposed to have some kind of magic wall that protects you from crime. The very people working the systems to help others recover from crime don't understand that it is about how people use power.
From the Episcopal Church to advocacy centers to the legal system, I have encountered more problems than anything else. The main two questions that people seem to really be asking is 1) How can I reduce my liability in this situation? and 2) What do I get out of helping you? It seems to me that people have spent more time covering themselves for their own liabilities and trying to fight their own causes that they have been unable to find my humanity beyond themselves. At this point, I have been so processed by the system where I live that people can no longer hear my voice as they are so busy trying to place me into their understanding of what whatever box or label that they need me to be for them.
I am going to make myself blatantly clear. What I have survived which is a religiously targeted hate crime whether the Episcopal Church or even the judicial system wants to accept it, it is not a women's issue due to one kind of crime involved in it. It's a human issue. It seems to me that more people than ever before in my life are concerned with making sure that I revert back into being the nice young woman that they want.
I am going to make probably a heretical statement by writing that I don't believe in Women's Studies. I don't accept that there is one issue on the planet that is strictly a women's issue because women are a part of humanity. Again, I don't believe in women's studies as a complete separation unto itself. Women's Studies by itself is segregation. It's as though women would need a play group or conversation group because their thoughts are not as valuable as ours. I am not now nor will I ever be a part of any women's groups. I also believe that groups that are segregated by the sexes fail to grasp the humanity of the people involved in them. It has only been since I have been more vocal about one event in my life that people have even questioned my gender identity and life as a result of being assaulted. The mere idea that someone would want me to choose to base my life on one event is ridiculous.
I have also never actively chosen to officially join another faith community other than an Episcopal Church. The Diocese of the Rio Grande is living as backwards and as exclusionary as they possible can when it came to actually listening to me. They were out to protect themselves. Ultimately, they want to protect themselves instead of actually listening to me. They are taught to get rid of people instead of helping them.
Every single part of my life has been questioned by people whom I am, apparently, supposed to understand as having good intentions. It seems to me that when people have good intentions for me that they actually listen to what I have to say instead of being exclusionary of me based on their own need to protect themselves. Essentially, when people don't ask others questions, then they can say "you didn't tell me" which really means "not my fault," or "I saw when...," or "But I thought," or "But friend said."
I have tried to keep my faith in God and humanity throughout the past five years. I can't help but notice that the advocacy centers in the north would help me without trying to revert me back into being the cisgendered woman that they wanted everyone to be. The ones in the south were afraid of men and decided that I was just identifying with the assailant. It is astounding to me that people in recovery systems for those whom have survived crimes would be more focused on people's clothes than the rest of society.
It's ridiculous to me that people have tried to do everything to include deciding a new religion for me based on their own understanding of an outfit. I find the fact that when people are taught that they are sheep that they don't ever understand that they are being taught to be mindless. It is those same people who, when they found out that I already had a graduate degree, decided that there was no way to really help me. The answer for a lot of people is don't talk about it and if you have an education that you are then supposed to have some kind of magic wall that protects you from crime. The very people working the systems to help others recover from crime don't understand that it is about how people use power.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Advent 2: The Way of the Prophets and "Cups"
Advent is a time of preparation. Advent 2 is about finding a path in order to come closer to God in openness, expectancy, and longing. Anna Kendrick's song, Cups, illustrates this week's Advent theme very well. Waiting for the Messiah brings with it active waiting and preparing to unite with Him. As Kendrick's chorus repetitively states, "You're gonna miss me when I'm gone," I am reminded of the incredible amount of work that people are doing this time of year to be able to prepare for various holidays.
Decorating takes a lot of work as does the culinary arts that thrive during holiday seasons. Still, we are brought back to scripture to ground us into why we are celebrating. Interestingly, the ground and grounding oneself in the ways of God are the main themes in this week's reading from Isaiah 2: 1-5. In this selection of the text, in a vision people are called out in the last days to the mountains to raise the temple of God, to learn God of Jacob's ways, to beat their swords into plowshares, to attain and maintain peace. The descendants of Jacob are called to walk in the light of the Lord. Because I live in America, I am always reminded of children's shoes with lights in them when the readings say to walk in the light of the Lord. While it is a very literal image, it works really well along with "Cups."
I miss the light of the people I love when they are gone. From time to time, I have been told that they miss me when I am gone. At any point in time when that happens, Advent waiting appears. Busy active waiting is not one that does nothing. Advent waiting is one of preparation for one another. Preparing work for the future or sowing seeds in the ground. Studying scripture so that it is known to your heart and not left in a text is active waiting to know the Lord in order to walk in the light.
In Mishkan T'Filah: A Reform Siddur, there is a prayer of praise which states in part:
I miss the light of the people I love when they are gone. From time to time, I have been told that they miss me when I am gone. At any point in time when that happens, Advent waiting appears. Busy active waiting is not one that does nothing. Advent waiting is one of preparation for one another. Preparing work for the future or sowing seeds in the ground. Studying scripture so that it is known to your heart and not left in a text is active waiting to know the Lord in order to walk in the light.
In Mishkan T'Filah: A Reform Siddur, there is a prayer of praise which states in part:
Praise God in market and workplace,
with computer, with hammer and nails.
Praise God in bedroom and kitchen;
praise God with pots and pans.
Praise God in the temple of the present;
let every breath be God's praise.
In everything, we are to praise God. The Way of the Prophets is one of truth and patience. Both truth and patience are praised. This Advent season, people can praise God for a lot. As Americans, we have more material things than most other nations. We have first-world issues like iPads being too heavy and not having enough battery life. We have seasonal concerns like not confusing airplane pilots with our holiday light displays and making sure that scarves match the choir's robes in our churches for the big show in a couple weeks. Our first-world concerns are often prioritized higher than the third world among us in the poor who are always present. To walk in the light means to know them and to care for those with less.
Less can mean a lot. Is there a member of the faith community who really can't buy the holiday cookies in the fundraiser? Someone could buy them and make them appear for that person without acknowledgment. Less could mean that the parents in a family are giving everything they can this season to their kids and are not receiving for themselves. Then, they are experiencing less. Sometimes, less is better. Does someone need help in their homes for the holiday season? In all of these things, we can praise God. We can praise God that as we are waiting we have been entrusted to help people experience the lesser moments. God is the judge of the lesser moments that cause people to settle disputes by beating spears into pruning hooks. Hanging the greens unites families in our community through the chill of winter. Pruning the rough edges of pastries and creating activities to unite people is a holy time to God. Discipling to accept one another in peace keeps the light of God guiding all of our journeys. We will miss one another when we are gone.
Walk in the light this week as we all prepare for the miraculous this season.
Walk in the light this week as we all prepare for the miraculous this season.
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Waiting in Humanity: Who is Jesus?
Yesterday on the way home from teaching, I had several different kinds of experiences on the bus. In fact, there have been several kinds of experiences that usually don't happen on Sun Metro that have happened. The question that has come to my mind throughout the past month is: Who is Jesus? Grace and the law works differently based on who Jesus is to everyone in America whether or not
First, rarely is the bus ever empty. Usually I am not on it by myself with a couple other people or one other person. This one particular day, I was on the bus with someone I recognized from the Temple where I pray. It seemed unusual to me when I heard him on Yom Kippur standing behind me as his voice was very strong, but it he was obviously new to the group. Next, he was at a Torah Study where I was and introduced himself as wanted to learn about God's culture, but had a KJV Bible with him at Temple. While choosing to skip over the obvious archaic transliteration of the scriptures that really should be left to Renaissance scholars, I had a short conversation with him through which he chose about five words from a verse in Ephesians to understand my entire theological understanding. It is impossible to do so. This day on the bus, there was the driver, this guy, a woman in front of me, and myself. He introduced himself as John at the Torah Study, so I'll just continue with that name to refer to him. The woman in from of me was a blonde and tall. She seemed to be slumming it as she rode the bus. People whom ride Sun Metro get used to the others whom are there. I have a medical issue that involves something called verbalization. As I get more stressed, the symptom appears more and can be controlled somewhat with changing my breathing. I don't always know that I am doing it, but when I do I change my breathing.
The woman was sitting in the seat in front of me and John was sitting across from us in the other row. As I started to relax and the verbalization became more apparent, I said something that caused her to gasp. She was offended at something I said. I don't even remember what it was, but she literally gasped because she heard something she didn't like. So, I apologized and explained that it was a symptom and not to take it personally. Ultimately for me, she's on Sun Metro. It's not a limo. Other kinds of people are there. People who are different. If I need to change my breathing for the person in from of me on the bus, then her ego needs to be placed into check. Essentially, mature adults don't take everything personally. Since she obviously did, to me, that means that she can't handle human beings in public. As soon as I apologized for the verbalization, her whole body relaxed. Seriously, if your whole biochemistry and muscle tension changes because you hear someone behind you say something, you probably have a narcissistic issue. It also means that you aren't actually able to work to me or don't ever work. I don't accept that women are so fragile that they can't overhear something and not take it personally. That's the reason people think that women can't function as well as others in American society and throughout the world. If I have to worry about you being so fragile that you might swoon, then "Scarlett" go home.
Later that night riding home, there were people talking about a court case. They were mad at a judge. The judge ruled in favor of a soldier whom had come back from Afghanistan instead of a woman in an apparent divorce so that he didn't have to pay child support or alimony. The woman telling the story was furious because he was "acting crazy." I immediately knew -- PTSD of some type. Leave the man alone. He's not acting. Hurray for the judge, except for child support. Those kids should have received something and was it possible to give him the kids with some added assistance. He's not acting crazy. That's real. If you marry a soldier, he ready for the realities of war.
Last night, there was a homeless man which also rarely happens on the bus. He was a younger man, looked like he had been on the street for about three months by the conditions of his hair and hygiene needs, and was politely talking with other people. What was fascinating to me is that, again, the people couldn't manage having a basic conversation with him. Talking doesn't cause anyone to catch a disease or become infected by anyone. He even tried to give someone a transfer pass, so the homeless man is even attempting to serve and help another person. Instead, of accepting his help, he was actually shunned more. He got off the bus before the main Eastside station, and I immediately thought that it would have been because of the guard or the amount of people who were there. It was as if he knew to get off the bus early. My responsibility in this is that I wanted to talk with him to find out if he had a place to stay. I'm currently exhausted by what I call food outreach and am looking into other avenues to be of service to other people. I'm exhausted by soup kitchens, food pantries, and community kitchens, but I digress. He seemed to carry everything he needed; at the same time, he had a little bit of newness to him. He hasn't been homeless long. He's getting fed somewhere. When I looked at him, I noticed his ability to serve others and his physique and thought veteran or migrant worker in some way. The people on the bus were relieved when he left because he desperately needed a shower. I wanted to give him one but had no where to take him. The only places I really know of accept women and children far more than men. It seems to be okay to leave men on the street more often than women and children when a man's life is just as valuable.
After I switched buses at the station, I was on another bus that seemed very different. It was quiet. There were a few people. The guard, whom is awesome, checked under the seats and the bus for people which is a constant check on the Eastside, but I've never seen anyone else do. We had a short conversation about not having seen one another for awhile. I had a break from teaching. It was good to see each other again. She was really friendly. I look forward to seeing her sometimes because she does her job.
If we all have a divine spark in us, then we wouldn't see one another based on clothing or what we do. We would not be so offended by other human beings that we gasp or think that others should live on the street for acting crazy. Essentially, some people were openly claiming Christianity by what they were saying to each other while not accepting science, medicine, and, well, reality. I am fascinated by the ways that people talk with one another one the bus. I have met every kind of person there is. It still seems to me that the less money a person has, the less that person is offended. It shames me to a point that Americans thrive in a society of shallowness. Shallowness is unethical. Bus culture includes everyone with a fare-ness even if traveling means that you are handed a transfer for being human. It is this humanness that gives the Spirit of God hands and feet to serve one another. It is fairness that allows every soul to unite in community with others without pretense. People who serve other people are embracing humanness which honors every understanding of a Supreme Being.
First, rarely is the bus ever empty. Usually I am not on it by myself with a couple other people or one other person. This one particular day, I was on the bus with someone I recognized from the Temple where I pray. It seemed unusual to me when I heard him on Yom Kippur standing behind me as his voice was very strong, but it he was obviously new to the group. Next, he was at a Torah Study where I was and introduced himself as wanted to learn about God's culture, but had a KJV Bible with him at Temple. While choosing to skip over the obvious archaic transliteration of the scriptures that really should be left to Renaissance scholars, I had a short conversation with him through which he chose about five words from a verse in Ephesians to understand my entire theological understanding. It is impossible to do so. This day on the bus, there was the driver, this guy, a woman in front of me, and myself. He introduced himself as John at the Torah Study, so I'll just continue with that name to refer to him. The woman in from of me was a blonde and tall. She seemed to be slumming it as she rode the bus. People whom ride Sun Metro get used to the others whom are there. I have a medical issue that involves something called verbalization. As I get more stressed, the symptom appears more and can be controlled somewhat with changing my breathing. I don't always know that I am doing it, but when I do I change my breathing.
The woman was sitting in the seat in front of me and John was sitting across from us in the other row. As I started to relax and the verbalization became more apparent, I said something that caused her to gasp. She was offended at something I said. I don't even remember what it was, but she literally gasped because she heard something she didn't like. So, I apologized and explained that it was a symptom and not to take it personally. Ultimately for me, she's on Sun Metro. It's not a limo. Other kinds of people are there. People who are different. If I need to change my breathing for the person in from of me on the bus, then her ego needs to be placed into check. Essentially, mature adults don't take everything personally. Since she obviously did, to me, that means that she can't handle human beings in public. As soon as I apologized for the verbalization, her whole body relaxed. Seriously, if your whole biochemistry and muscle tension changes because you hear someone behind you say something, you probably have a narcissistic issue. It also means that you aren't actually able to work to me or don't ever work. I don't accept that women are so fragile that they can't overhear something and not take it personally. That's the reason people think that women can't function as well as others in American society and throughout the world. If I have to worry about you being so fragile that you might swoon, then "Scarlett" go home.
Later that night riding home, there were people talking about a court case. They were mad at a judge. The judge ruled in favor of a soldier whom had come back from Afghanistan instead of a woman in an apparent divorce so that he didn't have to pay child support or alimony. The woman telling the story was furious because he was "acting crazy." I immediately knew -- PTSD of some type. Leave the man alone. He's not acting. Hurray for the judge, except for child support. Those kids should have received something and was it possible to give him the kids with some added assistance. He's not acting crazy. That's real. If you marry a soldier, he ready for the realities of war.
Last night, there was a homeless man which also rarely happens on the bus. He was a younger man, looked like he had been on the street for about three months by the conditions of his hair and hygiene needs, and was politely talking with other people. What was fascinating to me is that, again, the people couldn't manage having a basic conversation with him. Talking doesn't cause anyone to catch a disease or become infected by anyone. He even tried to give someone a transfer pass, so the homeless man is even attempting to serve and help another person. Instead, of accepting his help, he was actually shunned more. He got off the bus before the main Eastside station, and I immediately thought that it would have been because of the guard or the amount of people who were there. It was as if he knew to get off the bus early. My responsibility in this is that I wanted to talk with him to find out if he had a place to stay. I'm currently exhausted by what I call food outreach and am looking into other avenues to be of service to other people. I'm exhausted by soup kitchens, food pantries, and community kitchens, but I digress. He seemed to carry everything he needed; at the same time, he had a little bit of newness to him. He hasn't been homeless long. He's getting fed somewhere. When I looked at him, I noticed his ability to serve others and his physique and thought veteran or migrant worker in some way. The people on the bus were relieved when he left because he desperately needed a shower. I wanted to give him one but had no where to take him. The only places I really know of accept women and children far more than men. It seems to be okay to leave men on the street more often than women and children when a man's life is just as valuable.
After I switched buses at the station, I was on another bus that seemed very different. It was quiet. There were a few people. The guard, whom is awesome, checked under the seats and the bus for people which is a constant check on the Eastside, but I've never seen anyone else do. We had a short conversation about not having seen one another for awhile. I had a break from teaching. It was good to see each other again. She was really friendly. I look forward to seeing her sometimes because she does her job.
If we all have a divine spark in us, then we wouldn't see one another based on clothing or what we do. We would not be so offended by other human beings that we gasp or think that others should live on the street for acting crazy. Essentially, some people were openly claiming Christianity by what they were saying to each other while not accepting science, medicine, and, well, reality. I am fascinated by the ways that people talk with one another one the bus. I have met every kind of person there is. It still seems to me that the less money a person has, the less that person is offended. It shames me to a point that Americans thrive in a society of shallowness. Shallowness is unethical. Bus culture includes everyone with a fare-ness even if traveling means that you are handed a transfer for being human. It is this humanness that gives the Spirit of God hands and feet to serve one another. It is fairness that allows every soul to unite in community with others without pretense. People who serve other people are embracing humanness which honors every understanding of a Supreme Being.
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